Drunk abuse

There are many reasons to avoid drug and alcohol abuse. And if you pass out there are even more.

Oh yeah, there's the summer camp abuse techniques like immersing a hand in some warm water in hopes of making the victim wet their pants - I have no idea why that would work, but it was an article of faith even though nobody ever seemed to have seen it work themselves. It's more effective if you put shaving cream or worse on their hands, then tickle their noses. But we were more sophisticated.

A college buddy of mine is lucky that cameras weren't as common when I was in college as they are now. Otherwise the Internet would be inundated with priceless (not work safe!) pictures of him as we found him one night after a party, nude on the floor of a toilet stall embracing a commode.

Another one took a butter knife into the housing project next door and proceeded to shout racially unenlightened things, like a scene out of "Kentucky Fried Movie". He's lucky it was a cold night so nobody was out to hear him. He finally got cold and came back in, but the combination of alcohol and shivering was so bad he couldn't work his key to get back into the dorm. We finally opened the door and dragged him by his arms face down up a flight of steps, then threw him in the showers. The next day he didn't remember a thing.

Some of you ladies don't know how to hold your liquor either. Hey, some of us guys need all the help we can get.

But of all the things we ever did to abuse or sober up helpless drunks, we never considered doing anything like this. Don't even try it with Vicki.