Thursday, March 20, 2003

DanceSport 102 - the dances

One of the things that struck me about DanceSport was how utterly arbitrary some of it seemed. Why those dances, and how did they come to be defined the way that they were?

As you might imagine, there are bureaucrats and committees involved. Without going too much into that, the result is a taxonomy of sorts for ballroom dance.

Of course we Americans can't agree with the Europeans on what is what. They have "international" style, vs. our "American" style. Although some names are similar (foxtrot, tango, rumba), the dances are significantly different. The international style typically is less permissive, and if Dancesport achieves full Olympic status, it will be their variety.

Also, there are "smooth" or "standard" dances and there are "rhythm" dances. Examples of the first two are slow foxtrot, waltz, quickstep, Viennese waltz, and tango. For rhythm dances, examples are rumba, bolero, mambo, merengue, samba, cha-cha (or cha-cha-cha in Europe), paso doble, east coast swing, west coast swing, hustle and jive. The smooth dances are snootier and competitions are done in evening dress. Rhythm dances IMO are lot more fun to watch and to do, and the women dress very provocatively.

Some of the dances are "spot" dances - the dancers remain in a fairly limited area. Others, typically the smooth dances but also including samba, are expected to travel around the floor counterclockwise.

Rumba, slow foxtrot, bolero, and waltz are done at slower tempos. East coast swing, cha-cha, quickstep and Viennese waltz are done at fairly frantic tempos, and the latter two at times are almost like a three-legged sprint. Others fall in between.

They have different attitudes too. Foxtrot is "cool". Bolero, waltz, Viennese waltz and rumba are romantic. Tango is...tango. Paso doble is bullfighting - the man is the bullfighter and the woman is his cape. Cha-cha is flirty and mambo leans toward raunchy (think "Dirty Dancing" to the theme from "Sex in the City"). East coast swing and jive are just, well, hell-raising.

All of them have their own type of music. Waltzes and Viennese waltzes have time signatures that are multiples of 3, and the rest are normally in 4.

Suppose you want to give this a try. The easiest ones to start with are probably foxtrot and rumba - neither is particularly fast. East coast and west coast swing are the most popular, but are more energetic and so might not be the place to start if you're in really bad shape. I'm speaking of the American style - I haven't tried the international stuff.

If you want to try tango, be aware that there are 3 flavors - American style, international style, and Argentine. The last is the most authentic but also the hardest to find instructors, partners and competitions.

That ought to keep you busy for a while. Give it a try!

Monday, March 17, 2003

Human shields in Iraq - are some of them catching on?

See Andrea Harris for details.

DanceSport 101

About a year and a half ago I woke up with a wild hair and thought I'd try something different. I couldn't afford to go to another planet, so I settled for ballroom dance.

It wasn't quite what I expected. As I learned more several things stood out. Of course it's sociable. If you need to you can start really easy (moving slowly, low impact), but you can turn it into a very strenuous workout if you like. You can make it as informal or formal as you like, and you can do it pretty much for your whole life. If you're a showoff it's a great opportunity. You can even turn it into a profession, and maybe one day compete in the Olympics with it. What could be wrong with that?

But it isn't you, eh Stud? Sounds a little, um, light in the loafers, like with the hockey player turned figure skater in "The Cutting Edge"? Well, if dancing is enough to threaten you then you already have issues - get over it.

If you don't live too far out in the sticks you can probably learn some basics with swing, cha-cha, foxtrot and waltz. If nothing else, they can help to fend off disaster in social events you might have been avoiding. It's not uncommon for some clubs to offer free salsa or swing lessons at the beginning of the evening, so if you're adventurous enough you can just show up and cut loose.

Dance studios often offer group lessons for various dances. Here in St. Louis, Just Dancing offers these for rumba, foxtrot, waltz, swing (east and west coast) and others at various times of the week (also tap, hip hop, ethnic and other stuff).

Then there are private lessons. It's not cheap, but for some of us it's the right way to go, especially if you're intending to get serious about it.

You can also take part in competitions. In these the contestants are divided into several skill levels and age groups for each type of dance. The organizers play appropriate music for a minute or two, the contestants dance, and professional judges assess them.

The competitions might include people competing for scholarships or professionals building resumes. If you think dancing isn't worthy of the Olympics, just watch for a while. That's what I was doing last week while I was away from blogging - I was watching and participating in the St. Louis Star Ball that I've been plugging. (How did I do? Well, I won't be turning pro just yet...).

So what are the dances? Stick around - more will be coming later.

Coincidence?

By now you've probably heard about the UN weapons inspector who was killed in Iraq. He had an auto accident involving a truck.

OK, I don't need a bumper sticker to tell me that bad things sometimes happen. But then I thought about Dr. Khidhir Hamza's book, "Saddam's Bombmaker". In it Hamza noted several cases in which people who had fallen out of favor with Saddam had died in accidents involving trucks.

Stay tuned...

Next time try "Nude for Peace"

You're cold, Emperor Misha. And since 9/11, so am I.

Don't miss the comments.

Thursday, March 13, 2003

Last Call for the Star Ball

Here in St. Louis at the Renaissance by the airport, tonight through Sunday.

Pelvic potpourri

Whenever I'm looking for a cheap post, I go rip off Sydney Smith, our irreplaceable Medpundit. Here she points us to some women who teach medical students as they submit to pelvic exams. (If they exist, we were spared knowledge of men who do the same for prostate exams). She also links to the e-pelvis.

Lacking the requisite plumbing, I can't speak directly of pelvic exams. I understand that it involves a speculum, a device renowned for its coldness. It is inserted into the vagina and then a ratcheting device holds it open. There's also soundproofing to keep down the echoes.

No, I made up that last part. But I really have known some gossipy small-town nurses who would, um, speculate and even count how many clicks the ratchet on the speculum would make on various women they knew. Now that's a conversation starter.

Whether coming or going, you can use strength and control in your pelvic muscles. For this you need Kegel exercises.

So what else do you want to know about pelvises/pelvi/pelves?

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

Day By Day

Dean Esmay interviews Chris Muir, the genius behind the comic strip Day by Day. Don't miss it.

The Home Front

...is a new site in support of our armed services. Check them out.

Of particular interest is a centralized list of employers and what they are doing more than what is required by law in support of reservists. I for one will start irritating at least three companies to get their names on the list.

From the credits page:

The idea for this site was Susanna Cornett's, and Mike Hendrix did the design and construction. Comments and suggestions may be e-mailed to Susanna at thegoodguys2003-at-hotmail-dot-com and to Mike at mike-at-coldfury-dot-com.


We'd like to thank these folks for their support and encouragement, and for providing us with information and links.


In no particular order:


Michele Catalano


Paul Palubicki

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

Except I had to add this title manually until I RTFM

Alright, I'm giving w.bloggar a test ride. So far it looks terrific - I have about 5 minutes of download and install time tied up in it with a scuzzy old 56K dialup connection. I think I'm going to like it.

What does it do? I won't do it justice - just click the link above.

Pave France!

Right here. Don't miss the jokes and other abuse.

Sure it's over the top. But then if you want to see what kind of slimeball Chirac is, read Khidhir Hamza's "Saddam's Bombmaker".

And then read Michael Ledeen's post in NRO about what might really be going on. And David Frum's diary entry about a Hubert Vedrine performance.

Monday, March 10, 2003

Soft core smut?

Some locals are protesting the spring break edition of the Abercrombie and Fitch catalog. As before, it is full of nude models, often in mixed groups and provocative positions. I can't speak in detail about the pictures because I only saw what they showed on TV, but the stuff I've seen posted at their mall stores was smutty enough when you consider it was posted in a public place.

Yeah yeah, Europeans post stuff like this all the time. I remember a trip there when I was in grade school and being astounded at seeing nudity on the public airwaves. But I'm happy to say that this isn't Europe, and after watching the behavior of many Europeans lately I say "viva la difference".

A few years ago when the Infiniti came out (I think it was the Infiniti), none of the early ads showed the car they were advertising. This was innovative if not necessarily advisable. I never did hear how well that campaign worked, but it did strike me as perverse at the time.

So now A&F is trying to sell clothes with nudes?

Oh, it'll get them attention alright. Maybe the message is "unless you look like this, you'd better cover up with A&F clothes".

Sunday, March 09, 2003

Slow week coming

I don't know how much time I'll have this week for blogging because of crunch time on a project. But it does give me an excuse for some blogrolling:

For serious stuff, try Clayton Cramer, Stuart Buck, Howard Bashman, Lynne Kiesling, Erin O'Connor and Winterspeak.

Besides Lileks and Instapundit, my two favorite family guys are Tony Woodlief and Terry Oglesby (and while you're checking out the Possum's hospitality, take a tour of the Axis of Weevil). If it's an eligible guy you're after, of course there's Acidman.

For comic relief try 3 Bruces, or of course Scrappleface.

To wander off left of center, how about War Liberal or Armed Liberal?

If you want controversy, odds are you'll find it at Gene Expression or Omphalos.

Women? Ah yes, there are some I haven't linked to lately. You've probably already been to Michele's site. You have to like Asparagirl's attitude. Something is up with Moxie. Then there's party goddess Vicki and Janis down South, or Dawn in Ohio, or Robyn in FL (hope you're feeling better). And the inimitable Page.

Fairly recent additions to the blogroll include Beaker, Blaster, Michael Ubaldi and Andrew Zolli.

For international stuff, there's Brussels Blog, Ibidem, Dilacerator and of course Tim Blair.

For science and technology you can't go wrong with Jay Manifold, Rand Simberg, Charles Murtaugh and Derek Lowe. What the heck, how about Beth Skwarecki? For medical stuff, try MedPundit and MedRants. Or check out Gizmodo for your gadget needs.

I could probably do this for days and end up with something like The Talking Dog's list of blogs (which is lefty enough to somehow omit people like Lileks and Steven Den Beste last time I looked, as well as NWA). What the heck, I left out plenty of people too, but as I mentioned time is a bit scarce this week.

And if the group above isn't enough to keep you busy, you're probably spending too much time in front of your PC anyway.

Toren Smith is back

...so check him out.

Indexing music

"You know that song that goes....?" I say that all the time, and I have a fairly good memory for that stuff. I might even attempt to whistle the song in question, but that can be a challenge with things like, say, "Flight of the Bumblebee".

Even then it doesn't help much given alternate names, sampling, etc. What is it, the theme from the Lone Ranger or the William Tell Overture? And in case anybody remembers MC Hammer and Rick James, how likely was it that you'd know that "Can't Touch This" sampled "SuperFreak"?

So unless I happen to run into the right people, how do I find a song I'm trying to remember from a few bars or musical phrases? Is there some sort of search tool for this?

Housing, dead peasants and rent control

The firm of Galt & Dreck has a couple of interesting posts about housing valuations here and here. (I'd hate it if Asymmetrical Information suddenly disappeared - can I insure against this?)

Alright you guys, please continue: what would happen to the economy of New York City if they got rid of rent control?

Unless you're a fetus...

Dodd on the value of human life.

Eat at Hardee's

This is the best I could do for a transcript for what currently is my favorite TV ad:

"At the Battle of Waterloo, the French surrendered"

"At the Franco-Prussian War, the French surrendered"

"At World War II, the French surrendered"

"Don't be a big chicken - eat one. Hardee's Big Chicken Sandwich...."

When does a threat become imminent?

Charles Austin wants to know.

Kurds hold pro-war rally in St. Louis today

Fox 2 tells us that there are about 600 Kurds in St. Louis. It looked like most of them were in on a pro-war rally in St. Louis today. I'll link something when it shows up.

UPDATE: A link here. Their primary concern is Turkish rule after a war with Iraq. Money quote:
Though the group was calling the event a "peace rally," organizers said they support a U.S. invasion.

"If you run Saddam out of the region, it will mean peace for all the region," Shahad said. "We want to see a democratic government in Iraq, and we feel you can't do that without war."

Thursday, March 06, 2003

Guilt by association

Drudge points us to this item about a 17 year old spreading AIDS without warning her partners.

That in itself might be remarkable, but what I noticed is that they're also running pictures from personal ads on that page too. Some innocent woman's picture is showing there at the moment. I'm thinking I would want my picture somewhere else, thank you.

She's not pretending

Dumb Celebs offers us this about Chrissie Hynde, the leader of the Pretenders.

After reading of the excesses of the recording industry, I can understand how musicians can get a warped view of reality. And I'd really like to cut Chrissie Hynde some slack - although I don't follow them religiously, I really liked the Pretenders' first album.

But Ms. Hynde wants us to lose in Iraq. Good grief.

I wonder what she thinks of the fact that one of her songs, "My City Was Gone", is used as the intro to the Rush Limbaugh program.

Essential links

Hollywood Halfwits and Dumb Celebs. Stolen from a Ken Summers comment at Right Thinking.

One big idiot

Via WSJ's Best of the Web we find that somewhere in England "The Three Little Pigs" hath been decreed as offensive to Muslims.

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

The big dance

If you're a DanceSport fan in St. Louis, check out the upcoming St. Louis Star Ball. It will be at the Renaissance St. Louis by the airport on March 13-16, 2003. There will be a total of $40,000 in prizes and scholarships. Admission is $20 or $25 at the door, depending on the day.

Marriage at first sight

An article about arranged marriages in the US, right here, via Shiloh Bucher.

Oraculations

is indefatigable commenter Howard Veit's new blog.

What the "peace" movement is really about

Right here. Link snatched from Powerline.

Now Jewish World Review has a tipjar

You may well have seen Jewish World Review's site before. It's a terrific assembly of columns and other matter which apparently is run on a shoestring.

Now they finally have a tipjar here. They're worth a buck or two.

History of anti-Americanism in Europe

Here, as stolen from Instapundit and Gary Farber.

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

Revenge of the Nerds Reunion

It's been out for almost 20 years now, so surely you've seen "Revenge of the Nerds" by now. You laughed and cried along with Poindexter, Booger, Ogre, Lewis, Gilbert and the rest of the Tri-Lams as they fought to preserve their dignity to the stirring sounds of "We Are the Champions". And you're wondering what happened to those guys who touched you so. Look no further.

Some of these people actually followed up with careers. John Goodman (the coach) became Dan Connor on "Roseanne". Ted McGinley (the main frat rat/jock) became Jefferson Darcy on "Married With Children". Anthony Edwards (Gilbert, the nerd) was Goose in "Top Gun" and later got on "ER". Timothy Busfield (Poindexter) was on "Thirtysomething". Even Curtis Armstrong (Booger) got a decent gig for a while with "Moonlighting".

Brian Tochi (Takashi) was the obligatory Japanese guy - this was the 80's after all. He has the questionable distinction of being in not only 3 of 4 "Revenge of the Nerds" (ROTN) movies, but was also in the last 2 "Police Academy" movies. Can infomercials be far behind?

Don't forget Donald Gibb, the Ogre. Definitely no Bee Gee, he has a fairly long list of credits, including two "Bloodsport" movies with Jean-Claude Van Damme (you know, that Belgian guy who fights).

What about the kid Wormser and limp-wristed spearchuckin' Lamar Latrell? Well, it looks like their careers peaked in this movie. Andrew Cassese (Wormser) only shows a measly TV appearance on "Law and Order Criminal Intent" since graduating from NYU Film School in 1995. Larry B. Scott (Latrell) has had more roles, but they included such marvels as "The Cheapest Movie Ever Made".

Of course sophisticated women know that the smart guys make the best lovers, and the movie had Robert Carradine (Lewis) showing he had his head in the right place. But it was nothing new for him - he was also a leading stud in "The Pom Pom Girls".

And now for the most important role of them all. Remember the immortal "we've got bush" scene? Yep, that was part of Lisa Welch, Playboy's Miss September 1980. It looks like she married rich and now has 6 kids. Here is a recent picture.

More flesh was provided courtesy of Julie Montgomery. She started acting early, even getting a role in a soap in her teens. But she had a high school classmate named Jay Greenspan who went on to surpass her - you know him as Jason Alexander.

Now make sure you remember this fabulous retrospective in case I ever put in a tip jar. On second thought...

Monday, March 03, 2003

Fuel cell power for municipalities

Rebecca's Pocket points to this about fuel cells to provide local electric power to Westerville, OH. The price is still high, but not outrageously so - 9 cents per kWh, vs 6.5 when bought from external utilities.

The fuel cells will run on hydrogen and produce no harmful pollutants onsite. Offsite, well, they still have to make the hydrogen. But it's worthwhile to have the waste at central locations to be handled more readily.

Hey investors - the supplier is FuelCell Energy of Danbury, CT. You can find out more about them and the fuel cell industry in general here.

Alright, you fair-weather greens - you can underwrite this by voting to pay a higher rate.

Or else you can at least admit that you're a bunch of watermelons.

State of the art in stem cell research

From Medpundit right here.

Guitar science 104 - onboard controls

When we left our story we had a signal coming from the strings. But from there a lot still has to happen before it reaches your ear.

For instance, most electric guitars have two pickups and many have three. They can be used alone or in various combinations, by way of a pickup switch. There might be multiple switches, or a given switch might have as many as 5 or more distinct positions.

OK, but why? Selecting the pickup closest to the bridge gives a brighter signal that stands out more for lead work. The one closest to the middle of the string gives a "rounder" tone with more emphasis on the fundamental frequencies, and is more commonly used for rhythm work.

That's if you've chosen only one pickup. Often the wiring will permit selection of multiple pickups. The results can vary from a fuller sound to the "out of phase" sound like the lead at the end of this one Prince song with a name I can't remember ("Let's Go Crazy"?). Or each pickup can have its own output jack so its signal can be processed separately.

OK, we've got a pickup signal or two, but that usually doesn't give us enough control of the signal. So usually the guitar itself will have volume and tone controls as a minimum. If there are multiple pickups, there may or may not be multiple volume and tone controls.

The volume control ordinarily will be just a potentiometer, or variable resistor. It can't add anything to the signal, but it can reduce its voltage, which ultimately lowers the volume. It can be manipulated readily in live performance, often to cut off the "attack" of a note - one example of the sound would be Eddie Van Halen in "Ain't Talkin' Bout Love".

The tone control is another pot with a capacitor added. With the right configuration, the combination permits reduction of the strength of the higher frequencies wrt the lower, with the capacitance determining the frequencies that are affected. Manipulating the tone control gives a "wah wah" effect like what is heard in the long lead in Guns 'n' Roses' "Sweet Child o' Mine".

In practice much of the volume and tone manipulation are more readily done via pedals. But using the guitar's controls affects the sound of the guitar in ways that appeal more to purists, who also like the idea of having fewer components between their guitar's output and the amplifiers. It also means less to own, maintain, pack, transport and unpack, fewer electrical connections, fewer things for stoned performers to trip over onstage, and the performer doesn't have to be where the pedals are.

Some acoustic guitars and electrics have specially configured pickups and other features which require "active electronics". Basically this means that they add power to the signal, usually with small batteries. These aren't particularly common.

No matter what is installed, it all has to be shielded. Otherwise the electronics can pick up stray signals, resulting in weird unrehearsed noises. This is usually achieved with some foil or other metallic lining surrounding the cavity where the electronics are installed.

That's about it for the electrical stuff on a guitar. Commercial ones, anyway - there's no telling what an individual tinkerer might come up with. All that matters is that the signals have the right electrical properties when they leave the guitar.

And what are those? That'll have to wait for the Next Thrilling Installment of Guitar Science!

Buying the cow

"Why buy the cow when you get the milk free?" I've always found this a charming expression, which usually means something like "if you're sleeping with him, what makes you think he'll ever get around to marrying you?" Gosh, how quaint, eh?

This expression has made it into song, such as "Keep Your Hands to Yourself" by the Georgia Satellites. Poor guy. The least she could do was give him references.

Now there's a movie called "Buying the Cow" which got mixed reviews. I haven't seen it. But it has Alyssa Milano and an R rating, so it can't be all bad (although some of those tattoos have got to go, honey).

In other news, I haven't mentioned Susanna Cornett yet today. She's no cow and certainly can't be bought. But did you know you could send her money? You can use Amazon or

PMS - it's not just for women

Earlier today I was working on a project with a woman I've worked with quite a bit over the last year or so. It didn't seem to be going well. Neither of us had commented until she volunteered something like "I'm PMSing real bad". Given that this project will be going on for the next several days, I just can't wait.

After about another half hour we wrapped it up for the day and I resolved to find a solution for PMS. Something besides alcohol or cyanide. Preferably in a form that can be administered remotely, like a tranquilizer dart.

Well, I got a wild hair and decided to do some field research to see what could help. I'm just that kind of guy.

So I go in a Walgreens and just happen to catch a conversation between two women at the cosmetic counter. It so happened that they were talking about some guy who had said the wrong thing to one of them. I figured that that was about as good a time as any to interrupt them, and I told them I wanted something that could stop PMS in a raging elephant.

They were amused but not helpful. They mentioned Midol, but sneered as if it were useless. Then they directed me to the pharmacy.

There were two more women there, so I asked them about it. They again mentioned Midol, and one of them mentioned ibuprofen. Oh, yeah, and B vitamins. The bad news is that it takes a few days to work...

They did wish me luck in getting over it. Har har.

Then I got to the Web. According to this:
Premenstrual Syndrome: PMS is a disorder characterized by a set of hormonal changes that trigger disruptive symptoms in a significant number of women for up to two weeks prior to menstruation. Of the estimated 40 million suffers, more than 5 million require medical treatment for marked mood and behavioral changes. Often symptoms tend to taper off with menstruation and women remain symptom-free until the two weeks or so prior to the next menstrual period. These regularly recurring symptoms from ovulation until menses typify PMS, premenstrual syndrome.
Only 40 million? Sheesh, I guess I'm lucky - it seems like that's the only kind I meet. Yeah yeah, sounds like a personal problem. Hmm, maybe I'm a carrier.

Surely it's not another one of those things like attention deficit disorder, which at times seems to be applied to every grade school kid? From the same source:
Over 150 symptoms have been attributed to PMS. After complaints of feeling "out-of-control", anxious, depressed and having uncontrollable crying spells, the most common complaints are headache and fatigue. But symptoms may vary from month to month and there may even be symptom-free months. No women present with all the PMS symptoms. Characteristically symptoms may be both physical and emotional. They may include physical symptoms as headache, migraine, fluid retention, fatigue, constipation, painful joints, backache, abdominal cramping, heart palpitations and weight gain. Emotional and behavioral changes may include anxiety, depression, irritability, panic attacks, tension,lack of co-ordination, decreased work or social performance and altered libido.
IOW they suffer in about every way except pregnancy. And silence.

But surely if half of the population is subject to this for half their lives, we at least know the cause, right?:
The exact cause of PMS, headaches and depression are unknown. In fact, it is not known why some women have severe symptoms, some have mild ones, while others have none. It is generally believed that PMS, migraine and depression stem from neurochemical changes within the brain. Hormonal factors, such as estrogen levels, had not been appreciated until recent studies.
Terrific. And women can't claim that men aren't looking for a cure on this one. Although some I know have proposed bounties.

Well, I'll admit that men haven't always had women's health under control. For instance, women once were subject to a scourge called "hysterical paroxysm" which now goes by the modern name "orgasm". But really, could men get by claiming a condition that, um, changed their behavior periodically like this? No, they're just diagnosed as "bastards".

Ah, but men don't have those hormone swings. But who needs them? - we're sympathetic souls. Really. If that sounds farfetched, let me mention couvade.

There's much more on that same page, including diet tips. There is no mention of biting men's heads off, from which some I know find temporary relief.

Well, at least now you know why I don't have a "rate this post" feature. There is a comments feature...never mind, I'll make my own @#$%! comment.

Sunday, March 02, 2003

Friday, February 28, 2003

Adult elephant jokes

Courtesy of Da Goddess. She has a list of exchanges from its vintage days that it would be a shame to miss.

But I promised Adult Elephant Jokes, so here goes (The answers came from Paul Lynde).

"Can you get an elephant drunk?" "Sure, but he won't go up to your apartment"

"Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?" "Who told you about my elephant?"

(Actually I don't think he had a wife either).

Animated drawings of engines

Right here.

Found at AMCGLTD.

The mysterious death of Uncle Joe Stalin

Right here.

Was he murdered?

Too bad they didn't have today's lifesaving technologies.

Then he could be killed again and again...

Suppression of dissent is...

According to Bigwig.

Thursday, February 27, 2003

Name this post

What's in a name? Millions potentially, for businesses. Especially in this age of globalization, when businesses try to find an identity or model name they can use worldwide without running into problems.

It's not so simple. My favorite example of that is the discontinued Chevy Nova, which was hard to market in Spanish-speaking countries where "No va" means "It does not go" (they must have stricter truth in advertising laws down there, eh?).

Exxon figured out a way around that. The way I heard it, they wanted a word unique in the world so there could be no adverse connotations. Some linguist told them that the only language on earth that uses double X's was Maltese, which simplified the search. One must assume that Exxon does not mean anything offensive in Maltese (Babelfish is no help here).

Foreigners have trouble with this in the US too. Brits can't sell fags or faggots, for instance. And once in the Quad Cities allegedly there was a brewery owned by a Danish family named Föcking, which delighted local DJs to no end.

Then there are the various components of Rockefeller's Standard Oil Trust. At breakup suddenly several new names were needed. Suddenly there was Socony Mobil (later Mobil), from Standard Oil Company of New York. Standard Oil of New Jersey became "Esso", and eventually Exxon. Standard Oil of Ohio became Sohio.

Did you think that somewhere out there was a guy named Arby who started a fast food chain? Nope, it's just the place where people order roast beef sandwiches.

Sometimes a business has to change its name because of unfortunate circumstances. It probably wouldn't work to have a business called Hitler's, for instance. Anyway, back in the 70's and earlier women's magazines were full of ads for a candy that supposedly helped to lose weight. Unfortunately, it was called Ayds. I don't know what happened to them, but it's been a long time since I've seen them in the drugstore.

The Brief text editor has a funny history. Last I knew it belonged to Inprise (once Borland), who got it from Solution Systems. But in the beginning the publishers of Brief went by the name UnderWare, which fairly screams "Yeah, we're professionals".

Sometimes a name simply demands a product. DJs Bob and Tom (proprietors of the Camel Toe Museum) have had lots of fun with "Dickens Cider". Now it appears that it's an actual product, with additives such as Horny Goat Weed.

I wonder about names that start with AAA. Were any businesses named this way before there were telephone directories?

Cities can have a hard time coming up with names too. After several tries, a town in Missouri finally gave up and told the postmaster to give them any old peculiar name. Hence we have Peculiar, MO. I hear that something similar happened with Nameless, TN.

That doesn't mean that a town won't rename itself given the right inducements. The best example of that I know of is Hot Springs, NM. Now it's Truth or Consequences, after the old TV show. Ha, maybe someday they'll rename Seattle "Microsoft".

Gotta stop here. I need to go to work or my name will be mud.

Political Compass

Right here.

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

I'm doomed

Cad that I am, I neglected to observe Susanna's 1 year blogiversary until today. On the other hand, Dodd remembered - that must be why Susanna says he's so nice. On the third hand, what the heck, I haven't linked to Kathy Kinsley lately, and it's not for want of material.

Hey buddy, scoot over, would you?

UPDATE: If you like being in the doghouse, Drumwaster has some tips here and here.

Security through obscurity

Hugh Hewitt has an item in today's Weekly Standard online about discretion. He raises several good points.

For instance, was this necessary?
Saturday's Los Angeles Times story: "LAX Ranks No. 1 on State List of Terrorist Targets: Attorney general names 624 sites thought to be most attractive to terrorists, including ports, the Golden Gate Bridge, bottling plants."...The Los Angeles Times produced a partial list for the perusal of its readers, and a few churches were surprised they had been ranked so high on the target list. The Times carefully noted that "[n]either the Santa Monica Pier nor the nearby Third Street Promenade are on the list, even though they attract thousands of visitors daily." Handy info, that, though perhaps the local merchants' association might have declined the opportunity to participate in this particular listing.
Somewhere down the line some of us seem to have lost the distinction between "censorship" and "discretion".

I certainly hope some guys in white hats are noting vulnerabilities and addressing them. But that information need not go into the public domain.

Sunday, February 23, 2003

Behind every successful man is a woman

...like Sara Butler or Shonda Werry of διοτιμα , from whom I have grabbed three links in a row. Here Sara points us to a blog called After Abortion.

Among other things, the blog points us to this from WaPo, titled "
Russians Feel Abortion's Complications : Used as Birth Control in Soviet Times, Practice Has Led to Widespread Infertility". From it we see that
About 5 million -- or 13 percent -- of Russian married couples are infertile, and doctors report that diagnoses of infertility are on the rise. In nearly three out of four cases, infertility is attributed to the woman, typically because of complications from one or more abortions, according to Serov and other health experts.

The abortion rate has been declining rapidly for 15 years because of the availability of contraceptives. Still, it remains five times higher than that of the United States. The Health Ministry reports that for every live birth there are 1.7 abortions, compared with more than three births for every abortion in the United States.

Can conservatives be feminists?

Of course they can, just as they can be environmentalists and support gay rights. There's nothing inherently left-wing about any of these - it's just that the leading advocates have always made sure that they pushed a left-wing agenda.

But Sara Butler says it better here.

Attack of the Nine Foot Penis

Erin O'Connor tells about it, via Sara Butler.

Get a clue, girls

Bitter Bitch has a problem with this event, where some women who said they were raped at the US Air Force Academy weren't treated as she would have had it.

Here are a couple of choice quotes:
The academy commandant, Brig. Gen. Taco Gilbert, defended the school's conduct in a written response to questions about one alleged assault in October 2001, in which a cadet said she was raped after a night of drinking and a strip poker game.

After a hearing the academy decided not to press charges against her attacker, and the cadet said Gilbert criticized her conduct.

"I take all reports seriously. I investigate every allegation and take action on every assault," Gilbert said.

He said there was "no justification" for the alleged assault, but added, "when you put yourself in situations with increased risk, you have to take increased precautions to mitigate those risks.
Right on. Now this:
Another woman told KMGH-TV of Denver she left the academy after commanders responded to her rape allegation by charging her with violating rules against drinking, fraternization with upperclassmen and having sex in the dormitories.
You know, I'm definitely pro-choice when it comes to rape. For all participants. But now let's look at this scenario: Joe buys some pot but thinks he was cheated. He calls the cops and says "Hey, my dealer told me this was sinsemilla but it's ditch weed!". The wisdom of our drug laws is beside the point - would you sympathize with Joe if he got busted?

You might consider these two situations incommensurable, but the idea is that if the alleged victims didn't know the rules about fraternization et al, they were irresponsible. If they did know the rules and didn't abide by them, they're irresponsible. Regardless of what happens to the alleged rapists, there's nothing wrong with busting the women's chops. Too bad if it might inhibit their reporting - IMO we should hold USAFA women to higher standards than for the general public.

Well, maybe they're naive. OK, the USAFA is all over that:
The academy also requires freshmen to take a course called "Street Smarts" to learn how to protect themselves in all kinds of potentially dangerous situations, including personal relationships.

"Are you the one girl going to Denver for an overnight in a hotel with five guys? Probably not a good idea. We talk a lot about those risk situations and about making smart decisions," said Maj. Kelly Phillips-Henry, the psychologist in charge of providing assistance to sexual assault victims at the academy.
I'd expect the average bimbette in the street to figure this one out. One would hope that the USAFA is selective enough to weed out those so profoundly lacking of clue.

No, I'm not letting the men off the hook. Just as with the women, the USAFA men should be held to higher standards than the general public too. I say hang the bastards if they're convicted.

But the USAFA women really do have a role to play here. Expecting them to refrain from playing strip poker with drunks while drunk isn't exactly the same as asking them to wear a burqa.

Bad joke warning

What would a Japanese guy do with 2016 erections? He'd vote. Maybe even for Sara. She offers a topless picture down the page a bit here.

Human shield + US citizenship + Free will = Traitor

Via Dodd comes this from Samizdata:
There is no such thing as a "voluntary human shield". The words cancel each other out and leave... just another ordinary enemy combatant. Any British, American, Australian or person of whatever nationality who makes a decision, of their own free will, to intentionally place themselves in harms way in defense of a combatant's facilities should be treated like any other member of that combatant's forces.

This is an issue of personal liberty. These people may be stupid. They may be fools. It does not matter: they have made their own choice.

We should treat them no differently from any other Iraqi soldier, nor should we treat their chosen superior officers any differently than any other Iraqi officer.

I survived the Blogbash

Did you just hear a giant sucking sound? That was your life passing you by for missing the most recent St. Louis Blogbash. That means you, Dodd.

We had a pretty good turnout, and as usual we closed the venue. We had virtual visitors from as far away as Australia and from such hostile climes as New Jersey, including the charming and delightful Susanna Cornett (alas, two invitees couldn't show - I have an autographed Clue Bat for one of them...). Real visitors included Ryan Olson and Matt and Vicky - thanks for coming! By the way, if you want to upgrade your hosting and/or your site design, see Matt.

Kudos to host/MC Charles Austin for picking a good site, Chris Johnson for modeling the latest in blogger fashions, and fellow engineer Kevin Murphy for chronicling some of the many high points of the evening before duty called him to leave.

And ladies, you missed Juan Gato! But you can still read the interview here. (Yes Emily, he was wearing shorts).

Friday, February 21, 2003

Last Call For Blogbash

Friday night in Kirkwood, MO, at Two Nice Guy's. Map here.

Fun with glands

Did you know you had a thymus?

Dr. Ed says "Salt, sugar, and sex: the deeper you go, the sweeter it gets". This is to help you remember the functions of the three zones of the adrenal cortex. Got that? It and more are available on Ed's Pathology Notes.

He also tells us "The normal adult weight of each adrenal gland is 4 gm...If an adrenal gland weighs 6 gm or more (without a tumor), it is usually hyperplastic. The stress of the final illness increases the weight of the adrenals, which is why "normal autopsy weight" is sometimes given at 6-8 gm. Most violent suicides have adrenals weighing 9-11 gm."

No doubt you spend hours each day contemplating your pineal gland. Wouldn't it be cool if you could use it to browse the web?

Thursday, February 20, 2003

It takes a stud...

...like Mindles H. Dreck to write a post on two by fours.

Yellow Pages and other delights

Unless you're from Chicago or in specialized businesses you might well never have heard of Reuben H. Donnelley Corporation. But they've heard of you. Their history is pretty much that of the Yellow Pages phone directories.

Then when it came time to print the books, he could just call his old man Richard Robert Donnelley, the patriarch of R. R. Donnelley. RRD has been and may still be the world's largest printer, whether of telephone directories, magazines, books, advertising inserts and other media, and they do much more besides. They might have printed your phone book in Dwight, IL, or your hardcover book in Crawfordsville, IN, or your mass-market magazines in Mattoon, IL. Those and dozens of other plants supply outlets across the US and the rest of the world.

And I'm betting that you haven't heard of RRD, RHD, or any of the towns above. How debilitating.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

Sanctimonious trial lawyers II

I was going to update the original here, but this rapidly became too long-winded (surprise). Mr. Weinstein replied here

First off, although I disagree with him on a number of things, let me note that my issue was with the self-congratulatory tone of Mr. Weinstein's blog. This of course is not personal, so it certainly doesn't justify the "No Watermelons Allowed doesn't like me much" intro. And to call a blog self-congratulatory is of course subjective and isn't exactly the most damning of accusations in any case.

And with constructs like "That might be true for him and some others" I deliberately left room for him to distance himself from the greedier end of his profession. Apparently he doesn't want the distance.

Apparently in response to my suggestion of a need for discipline, he did provide a link to the Tennessee Bar Association website. If you look around a little on the sidebar you'll find "Actions from the Board of Professional Responsibility" - apparently there's no direct link. At least one of them appeared to be a plaintiff's lawyer who was publicly censured for about the 4th time after letting some defendants off the hook without a fight (as I interpreted it - as I noted, I'm not a lawyer). He's still practicing. Hmm - why can't we plaster a big "Attorney General's Warning" on the creep so people can know that he might screw them over negligently or otherwise?

The old joke goes that if there's only one lawyer in town, he'll starve, but if there are two they'll both get rich. Lawyers are positioned to profit from conflicts - without strong, vigorously enforced ethics, they become the sowers of discord so wisely consigned by Dante to the lower circles of hell.

How can it be that insurance companies could be winning any sort of PR war? Some of the dirtiest money ever made has come from insurance. There's no question that insurance people are self-interested in trying to hold down the costs of medical care, malpractice judgments and others.

But the fact is that that insurors perform a vital function too. Arguably the ready availability of underwriting for various risks is one of the great advantages of our society, permitting people without wealth to leverage that of others to produce social goods. And it is this conditional access to the wealth of others that provides the payoffs for the plaintiff's bar - does Mr. Weinstein believe that juries and judges would permit large awards if they thought the money was coming directly out of their neighbors' pockets?

And just as we must discipline our children, someone has to say No, limiting the amount paid in claims, if only because it's the only way they can be sure they have the remaining capital needed to serve the claims of others. That would be an essential role even if no one ever filed fraudulent claims. Surely this role is entitled to generous compensation too.

And the task of the insurors is daunting and complex. Given that they employ thousands of human beings and deal with millions of customers, mistakes will be made. Unforeseen risks will arise, and the likelihood and severity of existing ones will change. The regulations that affect insurors vary from state to state, often arbitrarily and suddenly. Under such circumstances certainly errors will occur under the best of conditions without implying any systematic malfeasance, and occasionally a plaintiff's lawyer will have to assist in correcting them.

But I don't want to hear about insurance company profits, overcharging or other errors or excesses from somebody who bills and justifies $15K to the plaintiff's $18K share. If he doesn't like the risk of losing a case, then let him buy some insurance....

In short, the self-congratulatory tone and the unceasing propaganda against "Big Insurance" is over the top. Go ahead, drive insurors of business. The need that caused them to arise will still be there, so it will either go unmet or you'll get to deal with the tender mercies of the govt and its often arbitrary power.

I don't want that risk.

Monday, February 17, 2003

Prescience...

With the March 2003 issue PC World celebrated its 20th anniversary. Among the festivities is a recall of past predictions. My favorite was this one from a reader dated November 1990:
You chose to nitpick about the upgrade path [for IBM's PS/1]. How many home computer users will ever need to upgrade a system that already has a 10MHz 80286 processor, VGA, 1.44MB floppy, 30MB hard disk, mouse, and internal 2400-bps modem, plus DOS in ROM?
Oh, I'd say about all of us.

Dangerous animals

In terms of the number of human beings they kill every year, what are the 10 most dangerous animals? According to a show on the Travel Channel, they are:

10. Bears (6)
9. Sharks (8)
8. Hyenas (50)
7. Jellyfish (55)
6. Big cats (leopards, lions, tigers) (80)
5. Elephants (130)
4. Scorpions (500)
3. Crocodilians (2000)
2. Bees and wasps (10,000)
1. Snakes (100,000)

The numbers in parentheses are the worldwide death tolls per year.

Incidentally, acccording to the same program, road traffic kills around 1,000,000 per year. (I'm having a hard time buying that one - I'd figure the US would be a major contributor what with all the traffic and cars, but the last figure I remember was on the order of 40,000 per year).

They also said that for the following there were no recorded instances of kills of humans: wolves, tarantulas, piranhas, killer whales (orcas), and one other critter I don't recall.

For indirect killers through disease, the rankings were:

5. fleas
4. tsetse flies
3. parasitic worms
2. bedbugs
1. mosquitoes.

Looking for adventure?

Outward Bound was founded on the assumption:
  • That one reveres life for having experienced it in the very real and dramatic terms;
  • That from successful experience in an elemental setting, one can learn better to respect self;
  • That from respect of self can flow compassion and concern for others;
  • That from compassion for others one draws the commitment for service to man;
  • That in genuine service to the benefit of others one best expresses on a day-to-day basis his reverence for life itself.

Sunday, February 16, 2003

Support democracy in Iraq

Dean Esmay has some suggestions here.

And while we're at it, why not support the Iranian students?

Sanctimonious trial lawyers

We have our own trial lawyer blogger at Instalawyer, Douglas C. Weinstein.

Of course he can't speak for the whole dirty business, although if you read it long enough you'd think that trial lawyers were the only friends you'll ever have. That might be true for him and some others, but not for the likes of the creeps shaking down tobacco and asbestos companies and who have now set their boundlessly greedy eyes upon fast food.

There is a theory that social goods should be provided by those who can do so at minimal social cost. Given that most of us don't have the means to crash test our cars, test our drugs, etc, such a theory would put the burden for providing such goods on their respective manufacturers. OK so far.

Now suppose we decide that a manufacturer has failed so egregiously that they deserve an economic "death penalty". That is, we determine that it's fair to liquidate their every last asset to pay off their victims. Then it would seem to me to be only equitable to insist that claims against the manufacturers be limited for each individual, if only to make sure that there is enough to compensate every aggrieved party. And it would seem that those who seek justice as the trial lawyers say they do would be first to insist on this lest other afflicted clients should be left empty-handed. Yet the very concept of a cap is anathema to trial lawyers.

Let's not forget the fees either. Surely the lawyers on both sides would have no problem with submitting to a detailed audit of their expenses and billing rates to assure that no one is making unconscionable profits. Such malfeasance comes out of the pockets of the victims, giving lie to the sanctimonious claims of justice-seeking from the trial lawyers. Surely abuse of such a public trust warrants severe disciplinary action including disbarment.

Weinstein talks around this by speaking of comparatively small cases, which to my knowledge no one is attempting to cap. Then again, he thinks it's cool for a $45K recovery in a suit over a broken ankle to be settled such that, net of expenses, the client would get $18K and the lawyer would get $15K.

He also cites a study that claims that '"tort reforms" do not produce lower insurance costs or rates.' Perhaps it didn't occur to him to mention that this report was produced by the Center for Justice and Democracy. From CJ&D's website:
The Center for Justice & Democracy is a non-profit, tax-exempt group, founded by consumer advocates, that is fighting to:

Raise public awareness about the value of our nation's civil justice system.

Inform the public about the dangers of "tort reform" and the stealth corporate campaign behind it.

Protect our right to civil jury trial and an independent judiciary for all Americans.
Hmm, doesn't sound too objective to me. And my opinion didn't improve when I saw the endorsement by Michael Moore. Might Mr. Weinstein have left out some information relevant to an informed evaluation here?

And let's not lose sight of the fact that Mr. Weinstein is not contending with insurance companies - he's opposing their lawyers. Are the lawyers on the corporate side doing something unethical in the course of doing their jobs for the insurance companies? If so, then let the legal profession police itself - we'll see if it does as well as, say, the medical profession. Ha - when was the last time you heard of a lawyer besides Bill Clinton getting disciplined, or any lawyer being hit for big malpractice damages?

No, I'm not a lawyer, in case that's not obvious enough yet. But I hope Mr. Weinstein doesn't throw his shoulder out patting himself on the back. He might not be able to find a doctor with malpractice insurance willing to take a chance on fixing it.

Fun with condoms

Ernie's House of WhoopAss isn't work safe. This is about as close as it gets:
You ask the bartender for a shotglass of water. Take out that unused condom from your wallet and unroll it. Now you drop 1/4 "Alkaseltzer" tablet into the glass and stretch the open end of the condom over the glass. Watch in glory as it will slowly achieve an erection, and bring laughter to most who see it.

If you want more excitement, you drop in a whole Alkaseltzer. After reaching full erection, it will continue to build pressure until it flies off the glass and around the room. It will sure make people duck. Nobody wants to be hit in the face by a high flying, wet condom.
A shot glass? Think bigger. I saw a demo on TV once in which a guy stretched a condom over his skull clear down to his upper lip, then proceeded to inflate it by exhaling through his nose.

I understand they're great for keeping dirt out of guns too.

Feel free to contribute further more condom uses. Then maybe we can build demand to the point where the creeps who market them will quit claiming you can trust them for birth control and/or disease prevention.

Saturday, February 15, 2003

Sign of the times

I went to Sam's Club yesterday to pick up a few things when I saw a special offer. For $12 I could buy a set of three large maps - one of the US, one of the world, and one of Iraq.

Pilgrimage

A Baha'i visits Haifa.

Friday, February 14, 2003

I'll support animal rights when:

Possums are traffic cops (no, not this one)
Bugs are air traffic controllers
Birds wash cars
Bears use toilets
Dogs teach etiquette
Deer run auto body repair shops

Suggestions?

No despots allowed

Ya know, that Saddam Hussein guy is disgustingly rich and can do pretty much anything he wants (as long as it's 50 feet underground or on the run). Kim Jong-Il lives in obscene luxury while his country starves. And although he is reviled wherever people bathe, think, and respect human life, the late (?) Osama bin Laden is revered by uncounted hordes.

But despite all their wealth and fame, there is something they simply cannot have. They can't come to Midwest Blog Bash IV next Friday. (Well, I'm being a bit presumptuous here. This is a Charles Austin production, so he's in charge of guests, venues, call-ins and whatever else. As of yet he hasn't told me exactly where it's going to be, so I may be sitting home like Saddam & Co. myself.)

Are YOU good enough to share the exalted company of Austin, Juan Gato, Chris Johnson and your humble author? Or are you going to piddle away your time, say, seeing 'Les Miserables'? Past events have drawn guests from as far away as Australia, and this time promises visitors from such exotic places as Arkansas.

For more details, keep an eye on Austin's site. Past practice has been that to let the host know if you're going to show so he can make the right arrangements (it can be tough to book the Edward Jones Dome on short notice). Just send him an email (charlesaustin at earthlink dot net), if only to congratulate him for his 1st blog anniversary, 29th birthday (?), 77th Scourge of Richard Cohen™, and 4th place finish as "Best Fisker".

See ya in Kirkwood.

Guitar science 103 - the pickups

So what happens from the time the guitarist picks strings to the time the sound comes out the amplifiers?

Problem number 1 is that we don't know how to amplify sound waves directly in a way that permits much control. So we must convert the vibration into something that can be controlled more readily. The obvious choice is an electric signal, if only because it is the most easily manipulated, several phenomena can be used, and transducers are readily available.

So what's a transducer? For our purposes it's a device to convert one type of signal to another. Microphones, speakers, light meters in cameras, speedometers and countless other devices have or are transducers.

I already mentioned a transducer that could be used for the guitar - a microphone. But look around and you'll rarely see it. The problem is that they can pick up a lot of things besides guitar strings, leading to noise. To avoid this, we want something with "tunnel vision".

OK, we can measure other things about the string that aren't likely to be influenced by other signals. They are simple, but in fact their lengths, displacements, and tensions are varying in time with the vibration. We have we have common types of transducers for all of them.

The length could be measured dynamically in various ways. An electrically conductive string's resistance would vary over a narrow range, but that means you need a power source inside the guitar to power the ohmmeter. If the string could function as a fiber optic cable, the relative phase angles of the light transmitted and received could be used to measure the length changes. I suspect that all would pose amplification problems too - each string might need its own electronics to make sure that their signals all had the same relative strengths. Give me the money and I'll cook something up for you, but in fact to my knowledge neither of those offers enough additional benefits to justify the added costs and inconveniences.

How about the varying tension? For this we have piezoelectric devices, which respond to pressure changes. The resulting signals are unlikely to be contaminated with extraneous data. They may need a bit of cleanup and reinforcement first, but then they can be sent to the amplifiers.

The last alternative is the varying position or displacement. For this again we could use optical or other phenomena to measure, but in practice what has been most practical is to use magnetic pickups. This limits the materials we can use for our strings, and some would prefer materials that won't work such as gut or nylon. But it so happens that the materials we can use, such as steel, have virtues of their own, and if you go to buy strings the steel ones are far easier to find.

A typical magnetic pickup consists of a set of small permanent magnets wrapped in wire and connected together. Accordingly they impose a magnetic field on the surroundings. As the strings vibrate within that field, they cause the field to vary in the vicinity of the wires wrapped around them. When you vary a magnetic field in a conductor, you induce voltages in the conductors. These tiny voltages are sent to the amplifier for reinforcement.

Given that the magnetic pickups sense the relative motion of the guitar and the strings, and they are intended to measure the motion of the strings, it is important that they are rigidly mounted to a stable base. Otherwise you're also measuring the vibration of the guitar body too. This is especially important at high volumes, or else feedback can be uncontrollable. So guys who play loud, with exceptions like Ted Nugent (who else?), generally play guitars with solid bodies.

Terrific, we have a signal that varies with the frequency and the power of the input. But we're not through yet - hook this straight to a speaker and you'll get jack squat. What you need is more power. And Joe Schmoe on the street can guess that that calls for amplifiers.

Alright, this is long enough for now. It was going to be about all of the electronics at first, but it kept growing even faster than this sentence. Stay tuned for more boundless excitement as we venture into the wonderful world of Amplification! and Strings!

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

Just asking...

Celebrities say stupid things all the time, but they always seem to outdo themselves around Oscar time. Am I wrong in suspecting that they think it will increase their chances of winning?

Be in style...

Get your Gross Anatomy clothing here, from Beth.

Sneeze hustling?

Right here.

Googlebombing

Dodd for President

Guitar science 102 - the bodies

I have to wonder just how long people fooled with the design of guitar bodies before they came up with the modern acoustic guitar. There are so many things to get wrong. The type of wood, the aging, the dimensions including thickness, the finish, the gluing and bracing, the size, shape and location of the soundhole(s), the joining of the neck, placement of the bridge....

All of this is critically important in creating the mechanical amplifier that is an acoustic guitar. Variations will deaden the sound, lose the amplification, change the tone or intonation, or might even cause the guitar to collapse under the stress of string tension.

The overall shape of the guitar is intended to be shaped like a woman. Mercifully, they fed their women in those days, and the early guitar makers (known as luthiers because in times of yore they made lutes instead) built them accordingly. Fortunately Kate Moss wasn't around back then. (Although she could have inspired the dulcimer).

Anyway, this complex shape results in complex vibration patterns in the guitar body. The result is a vibration pattern that needs two dimensions to describe it, and it defies neat analysis. The result was that building guitars right required a fanatical attention to detail by people who weren't always sure exactly what they were doing right.

Then along came a guy named Charles Kaman. He was a guitarist and an aerospace executive who possessed the talents and the resources to analyze good-sounding guitars in great detail. By using sophisticated instruments, he was able to determine exactly how good guitars vibrated, and then was able to recreate this behavior in mass production. Eventually he came up with Adamas guitars, with their historically strange body designs and soundhole patterns.

But acoustic guitars were doomed because of their low volume. Big bands would drown out guitars, so they needed sound reinforcement badly. So people like Charlie Christian started using amplification.

Then they ran into another problem. Recall that everything has a fundamental frequency for vibration. As a result, when they are subjected to sounds at this frequency, they start vibrating themselves. Under the right conditions, this "feedback" builds on itself, causing screeches and worse and possible destroying equipment and eardrums.

The amplification of a acoustic guitar depends in part on the guitar's body vibrating readily at the frequencies a guitar produces. Thus they were highly susceptible to feedback when played near their amplifiers. What to do?

Then came Les Paul, a guitarist and recording pioneer. He realized that if you were going to use electric amplification anyway, who needs acoustic amplification? Electric guitars needed to eliminate this vibration as much as possible, and one way to do this was to make the body very stiff and dense. This ultimately resulted in the famous Gibson Les Paul guitar which is manufactured to this day.

Thus the shape of an electric guitar has little to do with its sound. Most continued to follow the general outlines of an acoustic guitar only with necks mounted at a higher fret and cutaways for better access in the high ranges. But then there were Flying V's, Explorers, the Stick, and many more oddball shapes to come.

OK, but how do you amplify them? Stay tuned for guitar science 103 - the electronics.

Guitar science 101 - fundamentals

Any good-sounding stringed instrument is an engineering marvel. So much has to be right to achieve the right sound. Yet to this day scientists have things to learn about it.

Anything made to vibrate in the air will cause the air to vibrate too. The degree of vibration we perceive as volume, the fundamental frequency of the vibration is what we perceive as pitch, and the higher harmonics of the fundamental combined with the mechanical amplification produce what we perceive as the timbre.

Fundamental frequency? Give anything a whack and it will start vibrating and continue until the energy of the whack dissipates through sound energy and the internal friction or damping within the object itself. This vibration is a function of the density, stiffness, geometry and various other characteristics of the object - whack it again, and if you don't bust it the pitch will sound the same. The loudest and lowest sound you hear is the fundamental frequency (although you may not hear anything - nominally humans can't hear anything any lower pitched than 20 cycles per second, or any higher pitched than 20,000 cycles per second. Actual humans do far worse, including a lot of guitarists.)

A guitar string is about as simple a case to analyze as there is, but it's not trivial. For analytical purposes we act as if it is stationary at the bridge (which holds the strings off the body) and the nut (which holds them off the neck) and it is "taut". So how many different ways can it vibrate?

Well, for starters we can vary the tension. As we tighten the string, the forces tending to pull it back straight again after it is plucked become stronger and thus pull it back faster. The result is a faster vibration and a higher pitch.

Or we can shorten the string, perhaps holding it down against the neck with our fingers or a capo, or holding a stiff slide against it. As the string shortens, the vibration rate increases and the pitch increases, and vice versa.

Alright, suppose we keep the tension and length constant - now how many ways can it vibrate? Believe it or not, there are an infinite number of ways. It can vibrate such that the string forms half a wave, a full wave, 3/2 of a wave....n/2 of a wave. Each of these has a different pitch. The lowest pitched of these, corresponding to half a wave, is called the fundamental frequency, and all of the rest are called harmonics.

The fundamental and the harmonics can all occur at once, in various relative strengths depending on where we pluck it. Close to the middle emphasizes the fundamental (it sounds more like the tones from a phone), close to the ends emphasizes the harmonics (it sounds "brighter").

Actually you can kill the fundamental and other harmonics in certain ways. If you lightly touch the string halfway down (12th fret) as you pluck it, you'll hear the 1st harmonic dominate. It is twice the frequency of the fundamental, and musically is one octave higher. (If you're not a musical person, think the "Hi Ho" when the elves sing in Snow White). If you do this 1/3 of the way down, (the 7th fret), you'll get a note that vibrates at 3 times the rate of the fundamental, and in musical terms is an octave and a 5th higher. At 1/4 of the way down (5th fret) you'll get one 4 times the frequency, or two octaves higher. And so on - higher octaves don't land exactly on frets.

You'll hear some of this in a number of Eddie Van Halen solos ("Spanish Fly", for one), and Steve Howe's solo at the beginning of "Roundabout" by Yes.

You can also kill the fundamental by striking the string with the thumb and pick at the same time - Billy Gibbons does a lot of this at the end of ZZ Top's "La Grange" and Gary Richrath of REO Speedwagon did it a lot too. They often bend the string at the same time, producing a whistling or squealing sound.

Yes, you can bend the strings, pushing them slightly to the sides. This lengthens the bent string but also tightens it. The tightening effect predominates so as to raise the pitch of the resulting note.

The tightening can be done in other ways too. Some players will push down on the strings behind the nut. Others will bend the neck of the guitar or shake it. And there are vibrato arms (aka wang bars, whammy bars) that can be used for various loosening and tightening effects like "dive-bombing".

When a note is held for a decent length of time it is usually given some vibrato to make it more "interesting". The string is alternatively bent and relaxed, which varies (modulates) the frequency. It can be subtle or very obvious, such as in "Who's Sorry Now" by Journey or "Back in Black" by AC/DC. (Frequency modulation - where have you heard that before? Uh huh, it's how FM radios work. You tune in to a "fundamental", and the FM superheterodyne circuitry deciphers the "vibrato" - wider variations=>higher volume, faster vibrations=>higher pitch).

You can also effectively vary the length of the string, usually by holding the string lightly against the neck or a fret. Vibrato can be achieved this way too, but rolling the fingertips along the strings instead of displacing the string parallel to the neck like a violinist.

Another way to vary the effective length of the string is to use a slide, usually of heavy pipe or glass like a bottleneck. With it you can achieve some strange pitch effects, like the bird chirping at the end of "Layla" by Derek and the Dominoes. Some of my favorite slide work is in the solos for "Like a Rock" by Bob Seger and "Fool for the City" by Foghat.

Of course this mainly applies to steel strings. Nylon or gut strings are too stretchy to bend well - you have to move them too far. That means subtler vibrato at best, and the music written for them usually has more strings being played at once and shorter notes.

Well, that about does it for the basics. Next - the bodies.

More rules to live by

Don't talk dirty to the Chief of Police.

Sunday, February 09, 2003

Doggie style

Michelle offers a gift to the leftists. Then in the comments the Cracker Barrel Philosopher posts a cartoon that fits the French and Germans to a T.

Saturday, February 08, 2003

And it's not a weasel

A man sneaked a ferret into the passenger compartment on an American Airlines flight from NY to Phoenix via St. Louis. Other passengers spotted the critter and notified AA staff.

In St. Louis, the staffers told the man that they would take the ferret to the animal shelter for him, but he couldn't take it with him in the passenger compartment of the plane. Here's what happened next.

Useful Idiots...

...is the title of a new book by Mona Charen:
Who won the Cold War? Though it seems absurd even to ask the question, many liberals are now attempting to rewrite history by claiming that they were no less opposed to Communism than conservatives -- and even more instrumental in defeating it. But in Useful Idiots, conservative commentator Mona Charen gives the lie to such nonsense -- and shows how countless liberals in politics, the media and academia who served as unwitting dupes, or willing defenders, of murderous Communist regimes.
See some of Charen's columns here.

If this book sells as I think it will, look for Charen to get the Anne Coulter treatment.

Friday, February 07, 2003

Fun with your microwave oven

Right here.

Incidentally, I haven't tried these myself and I'm not recommending anything. Done right, such experiments can be a useful demonstration of the properties of microwave energy. But be aware that if you get adventurous you can create problems for your microwave oven and yourself.

This war sponsored by...

Matthew Hoy shows us how to help pay for our defense budget.

Contest!

The Federalist is holding a contest for the best answer to this: "What is it like to go to war without the French?"

Some responses already in: "Going to war without the French is like going to Thanksgiving dinner without your mother-in-law." "Going to war without the French is like...well...World War II."

To enter, go here, or send email to TwoCents@Federalist.com. To subscribe to The Federalist, go here.

UPDATE: Bill Herbert offers a raspberry here.

Ordinary history

When you're from a small town you get used to low levels of stimulation. That's a good thing, even if it does make you write posts about plumbing and dust.

A lot of history isn't exactly exciting either, but interesting nonetheless. After all, most of our ancestors weren't kings, knights, or even soldiers.

Fernand Braudel has written much of ordinary life in Europe and elsewhere in his excellent books. Two examples are Structure of Everyday Life: The Limits of the Possible and The Wheels of Commerce: Civilization and Capitalism. They fill in a lot of gaps between the wars that my history classes never addressed - Amazon has some blurbs with more.

For a view of the uglier side of the past in the US, there's "The Good Old Days: They were Terrible!" by Otto Bettmann. And people say cars pollute - read about the problems of dealing with so many horses in a big city. Or learn what kinds of things inspired the Pure Food, Drug and Cosmetic Act - yechh!

Enough for now - I'd better get to work, or I'll be history.

Not work safe...

...and you probably don't want to holler out the name either. But Fred Lapides' site (he contributes to IsraPundit too) is full of a wide variety of graphics and link topics in addition to R rated stuff.

The Fitness Infomercial Review

You've seen the infomercials with the B movie actors and hardbodied spokesbabes. Now get the straight dope from the Fitness Infomercial Review.

Thursday, February 06, 2003

Never mind

This morning I got some spam from AmericanSingles.com. Sounds kinda cheesy to me...

Copyright fee on PCs?

The 2/5 dead tree Wall Street Journal says the German Patent Office wants personal computer makers to pay $13 for every new PC they sell as compensation for private digital copying. And look for attempts to do the same with "printers, scanners and other devices that can be used to make digital copies".

The next reality TV show?

Medpundit tells us that people are going to Switzerland to take advantage of liberal euthanasia laws. And now there's this:
On a Monday morning in mid-January, Reginald Crew, a retired auto worker, flew in from Liverpool to kill himself....The Crew family's travel expenses were paid for by the "Tonight With Trevor McDonald" show, broadcast on Britain's private Independent Television network, which bought exclusive rights to the story for an undisclosed sum.
I have to wonder when this is going to stop.

Help fight smallpox

Yes you can, and you don't have to be a guinea pig either. Hit this site to see how.

Rethinking phlegm

Sorry, I just liked the headline, which I ripped off from Wednesday's dead tree WSJ. And oh, the Googling potential...

The rethinking? The article said "Most of us in medical school were taught that if a patient coughs up yellow or green phlegm, it's a bacterial infection and should be treated by antibiotics". But recent studies indicate that this isn't proof that an infection is bacterial. So now you know.

Actually the main thrust of the article was a supposed trend away from prescribing drugs for many common conditions. And it said that a recent review in the British Medical Journal concluded that many of the best known cough medicines on the market were no better than a placebo.

Photo shows odd images near shuttle

From SF Chronicle, via Stuart Buck.

You first

Japanese art has always delighted in depicting women pearl divers being embraced by octopuses.
The author is talking about the Ama, which is Japanese for "nice rack!"

Actually I made up the rack part. But these women were famous for diving, and up until about 40 years ago generally did so topless.

Wednesday, February 05, 2003

Japan's aborigines

The Ainu are a small ethnic group found in the northernmost Japanese islands. They were subjugated by the Japanese several hundred years ago and number around 20,000 today. Here is a museum.

Maybe Toren Smith has some comments.

Essential knowledge

Via BoingBoing we have, among other wonderful things, this museum of eating utensils.

But they left out the spork - imagine that.