Monday, April 19, 2004

In Heaven there are no colostomies

Back in the 70's and early 80's David Wallechinsky and Irving Wallace made a fortune with a series of "People's Almanacs" and "The Book of Lists". They were huge grab bags of information. Just how accurate they were is questionable, but they made for fascinating reading.

In the course of rummaging through some old stuff I found one of them. This is some of what it said of the Muslim Paradise:
In Paradise every desire of the soul and body shall be satisfied. Whoever drinks the fragrant milk-white waters of Mohammed's Pond, which is a month's journey in circumference, will never again be thirsty. Other refreshments will include milk, wine, dates, honey, manna, fattened birds, and beef from cattle that graze in the Garden of Eden. Body wastes will be eliminated through perspiration. All male inhabitants will become fair, beardless, curly-haired, 90 ft. tall and 33 years old. Blackeyed houris, or nymphs, of perfect beauty, free from excretions of any kind, await them in pavilions of green cushions. Other beautiful damsels will refrain from beholding any but their own spouses. Every man in Paradise will marry 500 houris, 4000 virgins, and 8000 nonvirgins
.And then there's Hell:
Hell has seven levels. The first and mildest is for sinners among the true believers, who will enter Paradise after purification. The second is for Jews, the third is for Christians, the fourth for Sabians, the fifth for Magians, the sixth for abandoned idolators, and the seventh and worst for hypcrites of all religions. In Hell the damned wwill be broiled, beaten with red-hot iron maces, suspended by their tongues, forced to dring boiling water and molten copper, and will have their brains boiled and their flesh cut with scissors of fire. True believers, lying on couches in Paradise, will see the damned suffer and laugh at them scornfully.
Is it accurate? Beats me. This came from the 3rd People's Almanac, which was published in 1981. It's likely that information for it was still being compiled in 1979 and later while the nuts who took over Iran had our hostages, and Islam wasn't getting really good press about then.

Well, I thought it was interesting anyway. Never mind.

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