Friday, October 14, 2005

I went to college with a bunch of frustrated engineers. Not being Lotharios by nature, and outnumbering the women significantly, they spent much time sing women's praises.

Quite often this took the form of what ordeal they would suffer for what reward. For instance, of one woman I heard someone say that he'd slither on his belly over a mile of broken glass just to hear her pee in a bucket over the telephone. Greater love hath no man.

Others became cynical. They would propose alternative designs for ideal women. These prodigies were usually about waist high with no teeth, and had flat heads to rest your drink on. Or maybe they'd turn into a pizza and a six pack immediately after sex.

But I don't recall anyone proposing any fundamental changes to breasts. Individuals might need adjustments for size or attitude, but the Ideal remained unchallenged as Perfect.

Apparently those days have passed. We've been stuffing or otherwise altering breasts for about half a century now, but at least that showed respect for the Ideal.

It's true that breasts have often been used for functions other than the esthetic, erotic or maternal. Easyriders may still be running their "perfect ear warmers" ads, for instance. But that's a collateral benefit that still respects tradition. The Ideal still stood.

But no more:
Computer chips that store music could soon be built into a woman's breast implants.

One boob could hold an MP3 player and the other the person's whole music collection.

BT futurology, who have developed the idea, say it could be available within 15 years.
A rack-mounted stereo, eh? Is this the future Ray Kurzweil and Glenn Reynolds have been promising us? Yeah, today's areolas will be tomorrow's Ipod controls (and in the meantime maybe Apple should consider some new color schemes).

Why stop there? Implant coils in vaginas and magnets in penises et al and you can generate power. (Low on energy? - reverse the power).

Sheesh, I really must have something better to do. Blame this on the Ananova link above, via Best of the Web.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Crack lexicographer needed

You name the body part, I'll give you a nice clean Latin name for it. Except one.

Something happened at work today that led to a long-awaited resolution. I was trying to express the relief in colorful terms and started to say something like "removing a carbuncle from..." and then I couldn't think of a good word for what I had in mind.

It's the part you probably associate with plumbers. I'd really rather reserve "cleavage" for other contexts. "Cleft" is too poetic, and "crack" is just too crass.

Alright, wordsmiths - is there a good term for this?


Michelle Malkin seems to think that the Georgia Tech incident from yesterday was a prank.

That sounds about right to me. Tech is a very highly rated technical school with the requisite large geek contingent. If you want those geeks to put a man on the moon, no problem.

But if you want those same guys to put a *woman* anywhere, forget it. Social awareness tends toward nil. They're definitely clueless enough to make things go boom next door to a football stadium when people are antsy about terrorism. (Yes, they have some geeky women too).

And what were the "bombs"? Quoth the article, "Two Georgia Tech freshman dormitories were evacuated Monday when a plastic water bottle found in a courtyard exploded with a loud bang in a campus custodian's hands."

Consequences? "The employee, who complained of ringing in his ears, was taken to a clinic for evaluation, but was not seriously injured."

Believe me, this campus could pritnear put a Daisy Cutter in a bottle. Somebody was playing.

My money says that we'll find some freshmen in need of, um, counseling.

Don't miss PhotoDude, who adds a bit more about Tech and the mysterious appearance of a jet in Gwinnett County, GA, just northeast of Atlanta.