Saturday, September 11, 2004

A scurrilous fabrication

Yep, some lefties apparently think Republicans fight dirty in elections, in a tone suggesting that they never did such things. Now that's a whopper.

After ROTFLMAO, I thought it would serve the Dems right if their opponents behaved as claimed. Like me, for instance. What could I come up with? Hypothetically, of course - I'm above such conduct.

Let's start with the fact that John Kerry, who has been treated for cancer and whose true military record is subject to question doesn't want to release his medical records and his full military records. And IIRC Kerry's divorce records are sealed too. Could there be a common thread tying all of this together?

Aha! Kerry's Purple Heart wasn't really for a little bitty wound in his arm. In fact, John Kerry, a man known for his long face, must have accidentally blown off part of his genitalia.

He wouldn't want to flaunt this. At the time there was no Lance Armstrong to inspire him, so I'm guessing that about any red-blooded American male of his age in his time would have done his utmost to hide any such misfortune. "No, it's just this thing on my arm - honest!"

I'm assuming that he didn't lose both testicles, because he does have two daughters who I'm sorry to say do look like him. Then again perhaps he has a relative who helped him out. And it would help to explain some of his Senate votes.

Now perhaps it's time to note a couple of conditions that affect the sex of your children. One is that the further the sperm have to travel, the more likely it is that any resulting offspring will be girls (i.e. he's working with a stump). The other is that orgasms change the chemistry in the vagina in a way that favors male sperm (i.e. he's a lousy lay). Having only girl children is consistent with the above, and again points to a reason why he might want to keep his divorce records sealed. And isn't it interesting that we haven't had any "bimbo eruptions" from a guy whose hero was JFK?

Now I for one would never spread such a nasty rumor - I offer it only as an example of fighting dirty. But you have to admit it's consistent with the record. All John Kerry has to do to stop it in its tracks is to release the rest of his military and medical records and his divorce records.

Why wouldn't he release the records? Doesn't he have the....never mind.

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