Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Alternate history

It's 1941 and the Japanese have just bombed Pearl Harbor. John Kerry is President, and he's holding a press conference.

"When will we go to war, Mr. President?"

"First we have to understand why they hate us. Meanwhile we must create a plan for winning the peace. I'll have Congress review and approve all rules of engagement. We have to hire counselors for all of our POW camps to make sure our prisoners aren't abused. We plan to schedule an exploratory meeting to discuss in principle our most appropriate reactions with our allies - I've already had some input from Petain of France. We'll issue warrants for the arrest of Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini and Hirohito as soon as we have enough evidence. We mustn't rush into war."

"Are we well prepared with men and materiel?"

"It will take a while to build up. Past Congresses and people like Dick Cheney voted down many weapons systems I sure wish we had now in my wisdom as a veteran. Fortunately we do appear to have an adequate supply of spitballs"

"And didn't you lead the charge against those weapons programs when you were in Congress?"

"That's ancient history, and we must move on"

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