Sunday, March 06, 2005

America's sweetheart

I have more faults than there is time to write about. One of them is that I start writing posts and then I let them sit for a while, often until they are stale. For instance, this one was mostly written last Monday.

What's more, I'm too lazy to update the time references. So pretend like it's last Monday again.

But I do draw a line somewhere - I swear I'm not a reality TV junkie.

I *do* keep up with pop culture though. This has rewarded me with exposure to characters such as Omarosa Manigault Stallworth, the much-reviled "Apprentice" reject.

Omarosa has been doing a fair imitation of a professional wrestling "heel" - the ones you love to hate. She makes a big show of vanity, gratuitous nastiness, a superior attitude...whatever you might associate with being a first-class bitch. But she suggests just enough vulnerability to give her detractors hope that she'll go down in flames.

So tonight she's on "Fear Factor" and of course everyone is rooting for her not just to lose, but to be humbled in the process.

Knowing that, consider one of the stunts the contestants had to do tonight. One hand was handcuffed to a pipe that ran along a long table with the remaining props. A key was tied down with aircraft cable and two studs with locknuts finger-tight on the bottom of a terrarium filled with some sort of hyperactive small snakes that struck incessantly. The contestant had to release the key to unlock a big pan full of worms, which had to be transferred to an adjacent lower pan using only the contestant's face. From the lower pan they had to be transferred by mouth only into a blender. Then the blender would do its stuff, and the contestant had to suck out its contents and spit them into a graduated cylinder until it was what appeared to be about a pint or more full. This released the keys to unlock the handcuff so the contestant could jump into a dumpster full of worms and black slime which allegedly smell like a barn. Somewhere in the mire was a container full of blended worms which the contestant had to find and drink. The contestant with the fastest time would win.

There were two other women competing against her and Omarosa was scheduled last. Would she do it?

Yes she did, and she didn't finish last either. One might have thought that the snakes wouldn't have struck her out of professional courtesy, but she got her share of bites, and she howled to the obvious joy of her opponents.

She didn't win the whole competition, but as she walked off the set she said we'd be seeing her again. Yee haw!

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