I think I've published something like this before, but it wasn't an election year then. Anyway...
1) All political parties seek to enlarge their constituencies.
2) The Democrats are the party of the poor.
3) Ergo, the Democrats want to make more of us poor. John Kerry's wife and Ted Kennedy's family have theirs, Jack, and they need servants like you.
4) The Republicans are the party of the rich
5) Ergo, the Republicans want to make more of us rich. How else can you afford to buy Bush's buddies' baseball tickets and oil?
Now really - what more do you need to know?