Sunday, September 15, 2002

Worst movie of all time?

I'm not exactly a movie buff, but I have fun with the Internet Movie DataBase (now a part of

A sane person could use it to look for good movies, credits, showtimes, etc. But how can you appreciate what is good without seeing the bad? So I set out to find the worst movies ever, starting with the worst one I could think of.

And that would be "Oversexed Rug-Suckers from Mars". IMDB rates it at 4.6 out of 10 stars. A reviewer says
Vacuum cleaners rape women, and one falls in love with a man. They spend time together, criminals are involved and the film ends with a chase with everyone on shopping trolleys using groceries as weapons. One good scene to look out for is the sequence where the man and his vacuum lover are reunited and run into each others arms over a bridge to the tune of romeo and juliet!
That seemed like an awfully high rating for such a highly awful movie, so I kept looking. How about "The Pom Pom Girls". Actually the movie had a couple of decent moments (and several indecent ones), but how good can a movie be when the leading man is Robert Carradine (who had yet to develop the acting chops we would see in "Revenge of the Nerds")?

IMDB provides links for writers, cast and crew, so I thought maybe these would lead me to worse. Here's Rainbeaux Smith - what else has she been in? "The Swinging Cheerleaders" - that sounds promising. Yes, a 3.2! One reviewer summarizes it with "Hey! We screwed the wrong team".

Then I remembered a movie I had seen at a drive-in around 1979 or so, called "Cemetery Girls". Believe it or not, IMDB lists three distinct movies that have had that title. Yes, here's one from 1979, aka "Vampire Hookers", "Cementary Girls", "Ladies of the Night", "Night of the Bloodsuckers", "Sensuous Vampires", "Twice Bitten". It got a rating of 1.8. Maybe that's why they had to keep changing the name.

Alright, that's low enough - even Joe Bob Briggs didn't rate the last three. But I'm open for suggestions if you think you can top that one.

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