Call me "Tomato Can"

Ya know, winning isn't everything. And all too often the winners fail to admire the one thing that makes winning possible. Losers.

I know this firsthand. You see, on Saturday I was in a dance competition in Dayton, OH in which I participated in 5 events. In each event I had exactly one opponent - the same guy each time. And I lost every time. I guess a spin doctor would say I came in second 5 times and the other guy finished next to last.

I stayed until the bitter end to watch the awards being presented and found that my nemesis also won an award for being the best student. Ha! The same thing happened to me in St. Louis last March - a guy beat me every time we competed and won the best student award.

That made me wonder - if they hadn't been able to run up the score against me, would they have won the awards? Can I trade on this and get my opponents to pay my expenses and entry fees from now on?

Hey, it's not so strange - some have made a career out of it. Ever heard of Mouse Strauss? He was a boxer who said "I was the first and only fighter who ever tried to make an art out of being an Opponent...I never trained, but I knew I had enough in the tank to go three rounds. I always tested their chin, but if I couldn't knock 'em out, I'd look for a soft spot in the canvas, wait for a big punch and close my eyes."

And then there's Red Klotz and the Washington Generals. They were a team that traveled with the Harlem Globetrotters to provide competition, and of course they and their predecessors almost always lost.

So make me an offer...