Can I write for the Taste Page too?

Here in WSJ Online (the taste page, no less) we hear that cow-pie bingo has invaded Atlantic City. The operator assures us "it can't be fixed".

Hmm. I'm thinking that as soon as it was on a square I liked, I'd set off some firecrackers or make a car backfire.

The latter seemed to work well with pigeons. A guy I knew some years ago assured me that during his 60's cruising days he and his buddies would regularly pass underneath a viaduct full of roosting pigeons. They'd wait until a convertible full of people they didn't like was behind them, then make their car backfire just as they cleared the viaduct. Yecch.

I wonder if this works with the Congress Avenue bats in Austin? You haven't heard of them? These people say watching them take off at sundown is one of the top 10 things to do in Austin.

This post seems to have deviated into the general area of animal defecation. Considering that I hope not to find my way back to this neighborhood for a while, I'll have to work in another anecdote. A relative had built a house on a long-vacant lot and found out that generations of dogs had been trained to relieve themselves there. In volume. He found this frustrating. One time he was outside with a beer bottle in his hand when a dog assumed the position not too far in front of him, as if to taunt him. He wound up and pitched that bottle so it glanced off the top of the dog's head.

Yeah, yeah, that's mean, what if someone did that to you, blah blah... Anyway, what made it funny was the dog's reaction. It attempted to run away without straightening up first, achieving a posture associated with Russian dancers. I guess you just had to be there.