Friday, March 21, 2003

Love is...

Well, if you're a woman, it might be something like this.

But we Real Men see things a little differently.

For instance, my alma mater was about 8:1 men to women when I was there, so I often found myself in late night bull sessions with frustrated co-geeks. This often involved evaluating women in ever more spectacular terms. Most of these were of the form "I would < ordeal > just to < reward >".

Typical ordeals were "I'd slide on my ass down a mile of razor blades into a pool of alcohol" or "I'd slither on my belly for a mile over salted broken glass".

The rewards would be things like "jack off in her shadow", "drink her bathwater", "hear her pee in a bucket over the telephone", or perhaps "get a sniff of the exhaust from the truck that carried her dirty laundry". And they got worse from there, particularly the ones involving corn. But I'll spare you the details - see what I do for you?

Incidentally, not once in all those professions of lust did I hear a promise to put toilet seats down. We have to draw the line somewhere.

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