Sunday, November 24, 2002

Below the belt

Blogdex has several entries for the story about the scientist who supposedly burned his penis with his laptop PC.

I'm skeptical, mainly because of the claimed 0.8" blister on his scrotum. I suppose it's geometrically possible if he was reclining, or if he's this guy (not work safe), but I'm thinking we're not hearing the real story. People have never shown a lack of ingenuity in explaining pregnancies, venereal diseases and other below-the-belt injuries.

For pregnancy, my favorite is this claim that in Civil War times allegedly a woman was impregnated when she had been struck in the low abdomen by a bullet that had previously struck a young man's testicle. Of course those killjoys at Snopes say it never happened.

There are innocent ways you can get VD, such as during childbirth, but not enough to account for its incidence. I suppose you could get VD from a toilet seat, but not when used as intended. Despite graffiti, I don't think you can get "crabs" from them either (hmm - is this the real reason for the increase in popularity of depilation?). But it could be that you could get gonorrhea from an inflatable "love doll" (that's when you know you're really a loser - your love doll is running around on you).

Then there have been "accidental" penis injuries thanks to encounters with vacuum cleaners and at least one motel's swimming pool pump intakes (gotta trust me on this, I couldn't find a link). This guy claimed an intruder had cut off his penis, but in fact had done it himself.

We didn't get to hear this guy's excuse, but we know he really shouldn't have relieved himself on a 600V power supply.

Of course accidents do happen - This guy allegedly got hurt by a toilet seat at Starbucks (do not suffer a toilet seat that slides from side to side, trust me). This poor drudge was bitten by a snake (the article doesn't address any measures taken to extract the venom). I'm thinking that a guy could get hurt from the Bungee Sex Experience too.

Women have their problems too. Get ready to cringe, ladies...years ago I read about this in "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (but were Afraid to Ask)". It seems that a couple was trying to have a baby without success. The doctor examined the wife and found that her hymen was intact, but her meatus (the exit from the urethra) was stretched out of shape. She had been told sex was painful, and he didn't know any better, so... That must have taken some work.

And watch where you sit - things get, uh, misplaced. Yes, here too - gerbils beware.

While I'm filling you in, here you can find some MRI images taken of a copulating couple. It doesn't really fit in with the rest, but if you wanted something well edited you'd be reading something else.

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