I own James Lileks

What's more, it was easy. All I had to do was put some money in his tip jar, and now he dances to my tune.

You don't believe me? Explain it to the campaign-finance reform crowd. They'll tell you at great length that I would only have left money because I have nefarious designs on his site.

They're right of course. Jasperwood? My idea. That matchbook thing? I outdo myself sometimes. The Gnat movies? What else could have inspired him? And he's powerless to protest - he's under strict orders.

Just to prove it to you, I'll even make a prediction - he'll write something clever about the Middle East in the next few weeks. Remember, you heard it here first...

Under the logic of campaign finance reform, I couldn't possibly have done it because I like Lileks's writing or his site. Never mind the hard link that has been here since day 1 of this blog - I'm still one of the few who hasn't ever linked to one of his Bleats or Screeds.

Suddenly I got an even better idea - what if I send some money to the campaign finance reformers and just tell them to drop their campaign. Surely they will - if they don't, they'll disprove their entire program.